Mayor Cantrell Says Anyone Caught without a Mask outside of Bourbon Street Will Be ‘Shot on Sight’
NEW ORLEANS — Mayor Latoya Cantrell held a press conference outside of city hall today to announce new changes to the city’s coronavirus lockdown measures.
While the city is still currently in phase 3.2 of a 20-part phase system, Cantrell revised the restrictions to allow for large, unmasked gatherings that would be limited to Bourbon Street.
“Let me be clear, these changes only apply to the area between Canal Street and Esplanade Avenue,” Cantrell said. “If anybody, and I mean anybody, is not wearing a mask outside of Bourbon Street, I have instructed my officers to shoot them. No questions asked. It’s on sight.”
The new measures allow for to-go drinks, live music, and questions about where you got them shoes, while also removing the requirement to wear masks and maintain social distancing. City health officials will be stationed on street corners to ensure that people are getting as close as possible to shout in each other’s ears over the music. They’ll also be checking that revelers put on masks as they leave Bourbon Street and will provide free masks to any that need them.
Small businesses in the city have been severely impacted by the lockdown measures that have been in effect since March. Every restaurant and bar that isn’t located on Bourbon Street, with notable exceptions such as Tracey’s and Kermit’s Tremé Mother-in-Law Lounge, has abided by and respected the restrictions, banding together to curtail the coronavirus pandemic and get back to business as soon as possible. They’ve suffered through takeout-only food and drinks, with even the latter being stripped away for a time. Many well-known establishments have permanently closed, including K-Paul’s Louisiana Kitchen, Circle Bar, Lost Love Lounge, and dozens more.
When asked about how she anticipated NOPD officers handling the request to fire on innocent civilians, Cantrell responded, “Oh, they had plenty of practice with unarmed protestors on the Crescent City Connection. I think they can handle a few drunk tourists.” She then threw her head back and cackled maniacally.
The changes are set to take effect immediately, just in time for hand grenades and hurricanes. Mayor Cantrell is expected to participate in a celebratory second line in front of the Hard Rock Hotel.
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Pat Enis is an award-winning journalist committed to the truth in all its forms. Winner of the 2009 Dickems Prize, his work has been featured in prominent, respected publications including The Daily Dingle, Gentleman Caller, and The New York Times. You can contact him at pat.enis1969@gmail.com.
