Nation’s Pole Watchers Seek New HobbiesUNITED STATES — Pole watching enthusiasts from around the country find themselves at the center of the nation’s politics. Over the past…Nov 19, 2020Nov 19, 2020
Study: Majority of Trump Supporters Suffer from Irony DeficiencyWASHINGTON — Researchers at the Brookings Institute have published the results of a landmark 4-year study on the effects of political…Nov 10, 2020Nov 10, 2020
Local Trump Supporter Calls for Unity between Republicans and Lying, Cheating DemocratsBATON ROUGE, LA — Local Trump supporter, conspiracy enthusiast, and racist uncle Jim Baker took to Facebook this morning to express his…Nov 9, 2020Nov 9, 2020
Nervous COVID Refreshes Election Results to See If It Needs to Leave USEVERYWHERE — An anxious COVID-19 sat huddled in front of its computer this morning obsessively refreshing its newsfeed for updated…Nov 4, 2020Nov 4, 2020
Louisiana AG Jeff Landry Denounces Hurricane Warnings as ‘Bad for Business’BATON ROUGE — Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry stood outside the Louisiana State Capitol today as winds from the incoming Hurricane…Oct 28, 2020Oct 28, 2020
Mitch McConnell Announces Retirement, Plans to Find Remaining HorcruxesWASHINGTON — U.S. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell spoke with reporters on Capitol Hill today, where he announced his plans to…Oct 26, 2020Oct 26, 2020
Giuliani Copies File Labeled “Definitely Not Porn” from Hunter Biden Laptop to Personal ServerNEW YORK — Former New York City mayor and personal lawyer for President Trump, Rudy Giuliani, reportedly made copies of files from Hunter…Oct 22, 2020Oct 22, 2020
Mayor Cantrell Says Anyone Caught without a Mask outside of Bourbon Street Will Be ‘Shot on Sight’NEW ORLEANS — Mayor Latoya Cantrell held a press conference outside of city hall today to announce new changes to the city’s coronavirus…Oct 18, 2020Oct 18, 2020
UFC Fighter Jorge Masvidal Starts New Position as President Trump’s Driver, Errand BoyMIAMI — Controversial UFC fighter Jorge Masvidal greeted President Trump outside of Air Force One as the president arrived in Miami for…Oct 16, 2020Oct 16, 2020
Nation’s Scene Kids Mistake ACB Confirmation Hearings for “As Cities Burn” ReunionWASHINGTON — Nielsen ratings registered a minor uptick in viewership among the 18–49 age range on the first day of the Senate Judiciary…Oct 15, 2020Oct 15, 2020
